Chicken Lips

Not a creature is stirring except moi. It's late. I remember it like it was yesterday. The day I found out was horrible! No Santa? It's a lie!
I was the ripe age of eight when I found out through my older brother that there was no Santa.

"Tell her Dad." He said. I was in the car with my Dad and my brother, Frank. We were on our way home from my grandmother's house Christmas Eve. Santa was coming! I chatted excitedly about Santa coming. My brother laughed and started to make fun of me. He laughed and said that I was retarded for still believing in Santa Clause! I ignored him and thought that he was teasing as usual. It couldn't possibly be true. What a moron. He was always telling me things that weren't true. ( he would pretend that E.T. was calling me on the phone or hide under my bed and pretend that he was Spike, the bad gremlin.) Of course I didn't believe him. Who would believe him anyways? Then he laughed harder! It was then that he prodded my Dad to confirm. I think my Dad reprimanded my brother for being so insensitive at that moment. I mean this is a big moment in a kid's life when they are to learn that their freakin childhood is over. After moments of silence it was,in fact, confirmed. He actually said that I was old enough to know that there was no Santa. What?????????? I was stunned. I was in shock. I was devastated. After my Dad decided that it was time that I knew right there in the car after being so cruelly taunted, the mighty flood gates burst and I was in the depths of despair. My Dad actually confirmed that Santa was fictitious while my brother laughed and teased in an irritating sing song voice. My mind raced. All of the things that I believed were false? My world came crumbling down around me. Could it be true? Was this a horrible joke? It just couldn't be! The feelings of confusion were magnified times 100. All of my childhood fantasies and wishes and wonderings were squashed like a bug against a windshield. I think I cried all the way home. I think I felt like someone had died. Santa died that night. Dead and buried while someone laughed at the funeral .HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, very funny. Part of my childhood died along with him........That night I kept wishing that it had all been a dream. I kept wishing that Santa was still real.
We were pulling out of my grandmother's driveway and going home to sleep. Santa was going to come! I was so excited! I had deep conversations with my cousin on the swing set outside at my grandmother's house. Very deep stuff. We discussed how Santa made it to every one's house in one night and where he actually got all of the presents. It all made sense then.....
I'm really struggling with the whole Santa deal right now......So, what do I do? Which way do I go with this?
My mother found out when she was 12. wow. Hers was a traumatic story as well. She went to bed along with her brother and sister anticipating Santa coming that night. She was all snuggled in her bed when the door to her room creaked open a crack. Her mother poked her head in to whisper to her. She told her that she could get up to help bring in the bicycles and presents to place under the tree. My mother froze. She said that she literally couldn't move!

I got a new hair cut.

Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
It took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
He also invented scissors.

I wish that I could turn off like a light switch sometimes....
I wish I had a dial and I could change my dial to another station....

It's a good feeling to just say what's on your mind without getting so emotional about it. It's good to be able to communicate with people in a diplomatic way, in a calm fashion. It's good to just say it, so that ill will isn't harbored as a result or false hope, for that matter. No matter what the outcome at least you can carry on and have the weight of those thoughts lifted to float to another place.

I had another dream last night and this time I thought that it was real. It was one of those dreams where I had a secret and I couldn't tell anyone the truth. It was awful. When I woke up I was so relieved that it wasn't really happening. Whew. Why am I having so many dreams lately? This energy and psychological mania is screaming something loudly at me.
First my teeth are falling out and then...I can't even spell it out....It was horrible!

Ahoy! A giant pickle.
Where they serve Fried Green Tomatoes...
Look at my boy:)
An old one I pulled out that reminds me of my true passion in life....

Have you ever wondered that maybe you were retarded? (I'm not trying to be crude here. It's just a random thought.) You just don't know that you are because your too retarded to know that you are retarded. Anyway. Maybe I shouldn't use the word retarded. Mentally disabled or challenged is politically correct these days. The word retarded just sounds mean. I don't mean for it to sound mean. Anyway....this is random.... I kind of wish that there was a mind reading instrument. I'd like to be able to read minds, but then life wouldn't be any fun would it?Mystery is intriguing. Life must be intriguing or it just winds up boring. What is life without mystery?
It's the end of the day and my brain feels fried. I am ready to go home. I may take a hot bath. sigh...I'll quit with the randomness..

I had a dream that I lost a tooth in the bottom front and then the entire bottom back row of teeth came out in one piece like dentures, but it was only on one side. I kept showing everyone. I was asking people if that had ever happened to them before and what I should do. I've never had a dream about my teeth falling out before. I think that it means something.....hmmm... I also remember that I blamed the dentist for not giving me a flippin mouth guard to wear at night when I'm sleeping. I grind my teeth.

Questions coming from the little one....

1. Where is our chimney?
2. How can Santa Clause see us?
3. Do you know Santa Clause's phone number?
4. Does he have magic and can he turn you into an alligator?

A watercolor I did over the holidays....