Chicken Lips

My mind can rest easier now. Understanding has been piece milled into my mind. I feel like someone's hands have touched my shoulders piece milling peace without me flinching, if that makes any sense. Does the feeling of the sense of peace consume you at once? Does it roll over you like a cloud covering the sun or moon? I feel as though it has been given to me in pieces or doled out to me a part at a time. Diced pieces of peace, if you will. I am at a place in my life where I am forced to reflect. Sure, I can change things by choice, but only slowly through time. Fast paces frighten me. I asked for this time a long time ago and it hit me the other day that it's actually here before me and I didn't even know. It's been unveiled to me in such a surreal way. I viewed it as punishment. I viewed it as unfair. I viewed it as boring. Time.....

A year ago, I remember my mind would race and become jumbled with all of the things that I needed to do. I felt that I had many tasks to accomplish. I had many things to get done! I worked myself to death at home and away from home. I slaved to make my house a home. The anxiety scattered my world. My mind was like a broken mirror. I couldn't sit still for ten minutes! I could never reach perfection and I could never fix everything. I was mentally out of control trying to keep the external world orderly, while my mind was frazzled with important thoughts floating in space. I ignored gravity to pull them back down by being task driven. Perhaps I wanted my mind frazzled and scattered and foggy? This may have been the way to cope? I didn't allow myself to think about anything except the tasks. I'd find another and another and another. My list was probably a mile long. What about my dreams, my thoughts, my needs, my wants? Life was a one way street instead of two. My pride allowed this to continue. Subconsciously, I did have a shard of strength to have, at first, a small voice. I can say that there was a slither of light that poured in at the end of the tunnel and it was this light that allowed me to gain the strength to awaken and I'm so glad for it. Finally, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer! I have a voice! We all have a voice and choices. God gives us choices to make the right decisions and to live lovingly through Him. That light spoke and said "This isn't right!" This time that I have now allows me to sit still. Gravity has won and is strongly pulling those floating thoughts downward and I am working on centering them. I am working on making peace with my past and becoming whole again. By choice I am using this time for good. This time is a gift. This time makes me still. I'm catching up on all of the thinking that I brushed off to the side. I'm catching up to myself.

This time allows me to see things for what they are, instead of forming an opinion instantly. Keats wrote that "Beauty is truth and truth Beauty, and that is all ye need to know on this earth." Opinions are formed instantly, but people are different day to day aren't they? How can one form the ultimate judgment of another when that very same person could be totally transformed through personal choice the next hour or day? There are new and old experiences and many facets to one's personality. Someone made the remark that "You are who you are." Can people change? I feel that people can change through their own will and choices that they make. Again,God gives you the choices to live lovingly through him. It's up to you to breathe before you think or speak or form that first opinion. We form opinions instantly.... Why is that? The critical nature unfolds. A clean tablet is in your brain and as soon as you meet another, in an instant, there is something written on the tablet forming a thought or opinion about them. How can a tablet remain a tablet without those words written on it? How can you see the tablet for a tablet? Or the person for the person. Or the tree for the tree? So, in my daily thoughts, I try to be conscientious of those first moments. I try to breathe before I speak. I want to see a person as another being. Those first few little milli seconds when my mind forms that inkling of an opinion, I try to be aware of it. I try to live as God would want me to live. Aren't we taught to love our neighbors as ourselves? It isn't right to form that initial opinion is it? We simply can not see inside of one another's' heads( although I wish we could). Judging others right off the bat and forming those instant opions can only lead to bitterness within ourselves...

At Alpha last night someone asked the group what scripture stood out in their minds. Feeling Bible illiterate and uneasy, my mind raced for something to surface that I could share. I view the Bible as sawdust or a very boring read, but being there gave me a hunger to open up my Bible! The Bible is a tool to teach you how to live your life after all. It's the most read book ever. The best seller! On average there are 6 Bibles per household. There is a place to start..... I think I changed in that instant when I felt the hunger to want to know more. I've had these moments before, but this time it was different. It took me a little longer to come up with the scripture, but I have it!( A day later) I wasn't able to share with the group much. I did a little, but I felt like the turtle amongst hares. So, I thought about it and I came up with my scripture for the time being. I remember listening to a group called The Byrds. Here is some trivia too:The Byrds' 1967 number one hit single, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" has the oldest lyrics of any number one hit song. True or false????
It's True! The lyrics to The Byrds' "Turn! Turn! Turn!" were written by King Solomon; the verses are derived from the Ecclesiastes.

So, in song by The Byrds and in scripture Here it is: Here is what "hit" me.
To every [D] thing, [G]turn, [Bm]turn, [A] turn,There is a [D]season, [G]turn, [Bm]turn, [A]turn,And a [G]time [Bm]to every [Em]purpose [A]under [D]heavenA time to be [A]born, a time to [D]dieA time to [A]plant, a time to [D]reapA time to [A]kill, a time to [D]healA time to [G]laugh[Bm], a [Em] [A]time to [D]weepTo everything, turn, turn, turn,There is a season, turn, turn, turn,And a time to every purpose under heavenA time to build up, a time to break downA time to dance, a time to mournA time to cast away stonesA time to gather stones togetherTo everything, turn, turn, turn,There is a season, turn, turn, turn,And a time to every purpose under heavenA time of love, a time of hateA time of war, a time of peaceA time you may embraceA time to refrain from embracingTo everything, turn, turn, turn,There is a season, turn, turn, turn,And a time to every purpose under heavenA time to gain, a time to loseA time to rend, a time to sewA time to love, a time to hateA time for peace, I swear it's not too late