Friday, December 22, 2006
Just like it was yesterday.....
Not a creature is stirring except moi. It's late. I remember it like it was yesterday. The day I found out was horrible! No Santa? It's a lie!
I was the ripe age of eight when I found out through my older brother that there was no Santa.
"Tell her Dad." He said. I was in the car with my Dad and my brother, Frank. We were on our way home from my grandmother's house Christmas Eve. Santa was coming! I chatted excitedly about Santa coming. My brother laughed and started to make fun of me. He laughed and said that I was retarded for still believing in Santa Clause! I ignored him and thought that he was teasing as usual. It couldn't possibly be true. What a moron. He was always telling me things that weren't true. ( he would pretend that E.T. was calling me on the phone or hide under my bed and pretend that he was Spike, the bad gremlin.) Of course I didn't believe him. Who would believe him anyways? Then he laughed harder! It was then that he prodded my Dad to confirm. I think my Dad reprimanded my brother for being so insensitive at that moment. I mean this is a big moment in a kid's life when they are to learn that their freakin childhood is over. After moments of silence it was,in fact, confirmed. He actually said that I was old enough to know that there was no Santa. What?????????? I was stunned. I was in shock. I was devastated. After my Dad decided that it was time that I knew right there in the car after being so cruelly taunted, the mighty flood gates burst and I was in the depths of despair. My Dad actually confirmed that Santa was fictitious while my brother laughed and teased in an irritating sing song voice. My mind raced. All of the things that I believed were false? My world came crumbling down around me. Could it be true? Was this a horrible joke? It just couldn't be! The feelings of confusion were magnified times 100. All of my childhood fantasies and wishes and wonderings were squashed like a bug against a windshield. I think I cried all the way home. I think I felt like someone had died. Santa died that night. Dead and buried while someone laughed at the funeral .HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, very funny. Part of my childhood died along with him........That night I kept wishing that it had all been a dream. I kept wishing that Santa was still real.
We were pulling out of my grandmother's driveway and going home to sleep. Santa was going to come! I was so excited! I had deep conversations with my cousin on the swing set outside at my grandmother's house. Very deep stuff. We discussed how Santa made it to every one's house in one night and where he actually got all of the presents. It all made sense then.....
I'm really struggling with the whole Santa deal right now......So, what do I do? Which way do I go with this?
My mother found out when she was 12. wow. Hers was a traumatic story as well. She went to bed along with her brother and sister anticipating Santa coming that night. She was all snuggled in her bed when the door to her room creaked open a crack. Her mother poked her head in to whisper to her. She told her that she could get up to help bring in the bicycles and presents to place under the tree. My mother froze. She said that she literally couldn't move!
I was the ripe age of eight when I found out through my older brother that there was no Santa.
"Tell her Dad." He said. I was in the car with my Dad and my brother, Frank. We were on our way home from my grandmother's house Christmas Eve. Santa was coming! I chatted excitedly about Santa coming. My brother laughed and started to make fun of me. He laughed and said that I was retarded for still believing in Santa Clause! I ignored him and thought that he was teasing as usual. It couldn't possibly be true. What a moron. He was always telling me things that weren't true. ( he would pretend that E.T. was calling me on the phone or hide under my bed and pretend that he was Spike, the bad gremlin.) Of course I didn't believe him. Who would believe him anyways? Then he laughed harder! It was then that he prodded my Dad to confirm. I think my Dad reprimanded my brother for being so insensitive at that moment. I mean this is a big moment in a kid's life when they are to learn that their freakin childhood is over. After moments of silence it was,in fact, confirmed. He actually said that I was old enough to know that there was no Santa. What?????????? I was stunned. I was in shock. I was devastated. After my Dad decided that it was time that I knew right there in the car after being so cruelly taunted, the mighty flood gates burst and I was in the depths of despair. My Dad actually confirmed that Santa was fictitious while my brother laughed and teased in an irritating sing song voice. My mind raced. All of the things that I believed were false? My world came crumbling down around me. Could it be true? Was this a horrible joke? It just couldn't be! The feelings of confusion were magnified times 100. All of my childhood fantasies and wishes and wonderings were squashed like a bug against a windshield. I think I cried all the way home. I think I felt like someone had died. Santa died that night. Dead and buried while someone laughed at the funeral .HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, very funny. Part of my childhood died along with him........That night I kept wishing that it had all been a dream. I kept wishing that Santa was still real.
We were pulling out of my grandmother's driveway and going home to sleep. Santa was going to come! I was so excited! I had deep conversations with my cousin on the swing set outside at my grandmother's house. Very deep stuff. We discussed how Santa made it to every one's house in one night and where he actually got all of the presents. It all made sense then.....
I'm really struggling with the whole Santa deal right now......So, what do I do? Which way do I go with this?
My mother found out when she was 12. wow. Hers was a traumatic story as well. She went to bed along with her brother and sister anticipating Santa coming that night. She was all snuggled in her bed when the door to her room creaked open a crack. Her mother poked her head in to whisper to her. She told her that she could get up to help bring in the bicycles and presents to place under the tree. My mother froze. She said that she literally couldn't move!
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