Chicken Lips

It's true. One may read more into a situation or someone may gain your trust under false pretenses to just turn around a squash what you thought was really there. Was it there? That will be up to the person whose lips are barred and sealed to reveal. The chances of that are slim to none when the fear is biting at the heels. What you do and what you say are not in sync. What you do and what you say should be sychronized otherwise one may be bold enough to call you a weenie. Sometimes actions speak louder than words and then sometimes words are more important. The moment has passed. The bug has hit the windshield. splat. Your gut tells you things, though. You know what they say.....follow your gut instinct. If you enter a room and there is someone there that doesn't really like you or vice versa, your going to feel it in the air no matter how civil or kind you try to appear. It's in your gut to just know these things. If someone likes you in a non platonic way, then you kinda know it too, even if they never say so out of fear. You may miss the mark occasionally, but usually you're gut is right about things like that. It's hard to believe sometimes that people do things out of the kindness of their heart. I have wrestled with the thinking that everyone really does have a ulterior motive. Is this true? ALL is strong to say, but MOST? I still don't know about this one. I have a hard time believing that MOST people are unselfish. I'd like to think that people would provide service above self. Lets' not be naive, though. I'm on the fence with that one. There are kind souls out there. There are people that are giving and generous and loving. The fruits of the spirit consume them and it imminates from them. They have these gifts to offer. I'd like to think that I am one of those people. I used to give my toys away as a child! All of them! I'm a giver. I'm a Lover, I'm a sinner, I 'm a midnight toker...just kidding. So a tussle and a rustle with the devil is what you have when the green old monster enters or the selfishness for that matter. Is there more bad than good? Is there more evil in this world than good?
This leads to my thoughts about letting the moment pass you by.This reminds me of the movie My Best friends Wedding. Julia Roberts and that dude(whatever his name is) are on a boat ride going under a bridge talking about the moment passing you by. The moment passes her by there. It's something that I have been pondering upon today. It's the moment that passes you by when you don't say what you feel. Say what it is that you want to say, even if it is a day or a week or a year later. Don't let it pass you by to be thwarted into the land of oblivion! An indirect and blase' approach is unattractive. False communication or the lack of it is unattractive. Not speaking up is unattractive. It's the real that I want. Be real!!!!!
This is one of the characteristics that I find so great in John. He's REAL. He's bold. He has balls so to speak. I like a guy that knows how to speak to a lady AND has respect for women. How on earth did this amazing guy come into my life so unexpectedly? I used to think that you had to put yourself out there and look and go for it. I used to think that things never just landed in your lap. You had to be a go getter to get anything at all. Suddenly this ...... something in my life plopped down from a cloud or somewhere from above or below or sideways and has appeared.
It is NOT the 'honeymoon' beginnings of a relationship. This is real and un-romanticized. I romanticized until I thought I would go Cinderella insane last year about a guy. I developed romantic feelings and thoughts and fairy tales. I played in the land of the fairies so that I would not have to face the reality of my life at the time. It's interesting how I manage to do these things and get so utterly lost. It's a hiding place until I find myself. Now, I think about how silly of a girl I was! I'm able to focus on myself and my goals and aspirations without getting so enveloped in a guy. This guy encourages me to be creative,paint, and gives me space to be me. I love that. It's awesome to know that it's okay to be separate from someone and know yourself.
I got burned out two weeks ago. I fell asleep for two weeks and became nonfunctional. Drained, tired, a rag doll gone limp and the strength and endurance swiped from my feet. My brain was overloaded, my nerves shot, and my tears would not come. So, I slept. and I slept and I slept. Down the drain and to the ocean. the big ocean where I met the sun and i faced reality. A huge realization dawned from the sky. It was the anniversary of it all. It was the time that punched my clock and shook the life out of me. Time. The internal alarm fired off and the emergency signals flamed to ignite the fright in me.
Waking from a dream and still wondering if it is still a dream. Can it be that somebody so wonderful can be real and not just a dream? It appears so. It's been real time and time again. There are no left unsaids. There is a line of communication that is so open and honest and full of heart. He's right. It's so unusual.